I was always on the Chubby side. I HATED my body in 6th grade, I had boobs before any other girl. "Twin Peaks", "Melons", "DBra"..hahaha, heard it all.
In junior high, I got so sick of being teased I became a puker. I'd eat and eat, then shove some syrup of ipecac down my throat and wouldn't gain a thing.
This gross habit continued all through high school till I found myself pregnant with Kayla. (Yes, I was a Teen Mom before Teen Moms were in style)
I gained the necessary weight but lost it immediately after. But after the kids kept coming, and life got my chaotic, I noticed my weight slowly creeping up. It WAS a slow creep. Barely noticeable.
Somehow though, this past year, I have gained 76 pounds! I admit that I am depressed. I admit that sometimes my heart aches so badly that I can't get out of bed. I also admit I overeat junky crap food and that I am lazy.
I need to stop. I need to live.
You know that fat lady that you see eating at a restaurant and want to go hit the food out of her hand and mouth? That's me. And if you see me, I welcome that hit.
See, no one holds me accountable for my weight. Everyone makes excuses for me. My husband even enables me and will go get McDonald's even after we have eaten. And yes, I KNOW, I should take responsibility but honestly, at times, i just don't care enough about me to care.
This will probably kill me. Bad hearts are all over my family. My grandfather died at 25 years of a heart attack. My Nana died of an aneurysm in her 50's. My Dad has had many heart attacks and surgeries.
I don't want to die. And I don't want to be FAT. My apologies if you are reading this and are overweight. I have nothing against any way other choose to live. But I am fat to the point that my back and knees hurt ALL the time. I don't enjoy life, I rarely leave my house, and its unfair to my kids.
This is my point of no return. Time to care for ME as well as I care for others.
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